Dx: Disturbed Cognitive Function

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“When I was young, I broke both my ankles jumping off a roof because I was sure a cape would enable me to fly. My parents attributed this to my strong imagination. Last year, my therapist called it a delusion. I fail to see the difference.They keep telling me seeing things that aren’t technically there is called “disturbed cognitive functioning.” I call it “having a superpower”.

-Neil Hilborn

It’s good to be here and be proud of who I am because I spent a long time rejecting myself. I began to believe something was horribly wrong with me because the way I experience life is very different than the way most people do.

Alright. I’m just gonna rip the bandaid off and say it. I see things that others do not and I have seen these things since I was a little girl. Full bodied apparitions, shadow figures, strange creatures. As a child, there was a glowing orb of light that would enter my room and interact with me. It responded to questions I asked by causing me to feel a vibration throughout my body when the answer was either yes/right. I called it Primo, short for primordial. Of course I had no idea primordial was even a word back then but I did know that was definitely what that glowing orb of light was.

I was unaware that my experience differed from most until I began discussing it. That never went well. Typical responses: You’re crazy, that is not possible,  you are lying, you only want attention, there is something wrong with your brain, you are just imagining it, you’re delusional, you’re hallucinating and my favorite: you must be high on drugs. After hearing all that for long enough, I began to believe it. I stopped discussing my experiences and prayed that they would stop. In my childhood prayers I begged God to make me normal. So thank God for unanswered prayers indeed.

I finally realized that I see things others don’t because it is required for my current life experience. If these things were meant to be seen by everyone, everyone would see them. That does not mean they are not real. Primo doesn’t show up as a white glowing ball of light anymore but I still have access to it. It kind of acts as like an enhancement to my intuition. I will have an idea or urge to move in a certain direction and if making that move is something that is going to benefit me, I feel the vibrations in my body. It has never been wrong.

I also have prophetic dreams and I can feel other people’s emotions. Recently, I have been able to identify different types of trauma people have experienced just by being present with them. I’m a walking lie detector. It is possible to lie to me but I always know.  I don’t always voice my awareness of the dishonesty  because it is exhausting to watch a person defend a lie and I’m usually over the lie and digging deeper to try and sense why the person felt the need to lie.

Now, I’m aware of how science feels about the paranormal so it is a waste of both of our time if anyone feels obliged to explain away my experiences. The idea that our inability to prove something is proof that it does not exist is insane. If they are real to me, they are real and science needs to either catch up or shut up because I am not the only one who experiences life in this way. I bet I have friends who have children who experience these things. You know who you are because you just felt it when you read that sentence didn’t you?

You didn’t even really have time to think about it but reacted to it instantly. Maybe you got chill bumps or the hair on the back of your neck stood up. Or maybe you just felt it inside you.. a kind of shock. At some point you have probably seen your kids speaking and interacting with thin air. They have an imaginary friend. They have come to you and asked about a person or animal lurking around the house or yard. Once I saw a shadow figure sitting in front of our television on the floor. I pointed to it and asked my dad ” who is that man?” and of course he replied “what man?” when he saw nothing in the area I was pointing to.

We have GOT to stop denying others their experience because it does not match our own. Be accepting. Always seek to understand.

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2 thoughts on “Dx: Disturbed Cognitive Function

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