Paradox Girl

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17793101_1244191995617374_454664414_nMe? I am the girl your mother probably warned you about. The one who takes life by the horns and tackles it. The rebel in the crowd. The black sheep of her family. I am the one who is determined to do something just because someone told me not to and I make it a point to do it with every bit of passion I have flowing in my veins. I am the one who is running out the door with just a moment to spare, who threw her hair up in a messy bun, grabbed a not so healthy snack and cup of coffee, which if I am lucky, will stay in the cup instead of on my white pants. I am the one who barely wears makeup and could care less if I am the perfect standards of a 10 in today’s model society. I would much rather eat some ice cream, shoot some pool, and dance on a bar. I have more spunk than the most of them and yet still enough drive that when it comes down to it that I can land the job you dreamed of without even trying.

I am a complete paradox of life. I wear the suits in a corner office and swear with the women down at the salon on Main Street. I drink Starbucks coffee and carry purses that costs me entirely too much money, yet am as cheap as they come when ordering on the drive thru menu. I insist on paying a gym membership that I never have used and yet complain every day that I slip into my clothes how I need to be working out. I find myself loving someone and at that same time finding myself pushing them out of my life. I need closeness, but I need freedom even more. Sometimes I am a complete confusion of hot mess including my smudged mascara and wrinkled blazer. Other times I am a perfect example of what to wear with my killer heels and deep red lipstick. I can kill you with kindness and be the worst bitch you ever ran across.

Isn’t that life? Life is a beautiful collage of moments that come from every aspect of the craziness that surrounds us to form one picture that somehow makes our story unique. Maybe I am proud of my crazy story. Maybe all those insane nights in the sorority house prepared me for the night I would take the bar top in the middle of a packed bar as a grown woman and dance with no shame. Maybe all boyfriends I zipped through with ease breaking hearts right and left retuned to me that heartbreak with a tattoo along my back to remember that crazy ex by.  Maybe all the sleepless nights working through college to graduate with a 4.0 prepared me for the high stress and intense job that I now work.  They say everything in life serves a purpose.  I actually agree with that.  Each step in our life is preparing us for another step down the road.  We might not understand it until years later when we look back or we might never understand it at all. Life is crazy like that.  All those friends who come into your life and then exit.  They were there for a season.  To carry you from point a to point b in life.  There season in your life was done.

Maybe people think I am insane or that I need to grow up in certain aspects.  They don’t understand why I would ditch a 6 figure income to try to make a business work on my own.  They don’t understand why I would break up with a guy that treats me well to gain my freedom back.  That used to bother me because I sought my validation in other people.  Now what they do not understand is not for me to worry about.  I make my decision based on what is best in my life.  What other people think is none of my business nor does it affect my thinking.

I want happy.  I want freedom.  I want motivation.  I want the feeling of accomplishment.  I am a complete mix of making it to the top of my company and then leaving them to start some new adventure because I hate the feeling of being no where to push to the top more.  My dad always told me that no one ever stands still….you either move forward or you slip backwards.  I have always remembered that.  I want to move forward.  Sometimes that means taking a step back to move forward, but always choosing to push.  Not getting to where you enjoy the comfort zone because nothing grows there.  Matter of fact things usually die there.

So let’s be crazy.  Let’s be the mess this world needs.  Let’s eat ice cream.  Let’s travel the world.  Let’s tell people how much we care.  Let’s push to do things people say we cannot.  Let’s build our own empire.  Let’s dance on that bar top.  Let’s enjoy the moment.  If you get a chance to know the girl your mom warned you about, take it.  You will have the ride of your life.  We might not stay forever, but while we are there you will enjoy it.  You will fall in love with life again.  You will have fun.  You will see that enjoying the moment is all life is about.  So take that chance.  When we exit your life we still are the same person.  We still live life to the fullest.  We are enjoying lots of new friends.  We are seeing lots of new places.  We are pushing for that new job.  We are partying our Friday night and stressing in the office on Monday.  We love and we leave.  We hold on and we let go.  It is just who we are.  The Paradox Girl.

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