Subtle Manipulation

Standard

IMG_1044

I’m like a total ninja at spotting manipulation these days.. I can feel it. So it was really confusing to feel manipulation when someone seemed to be caring for me. That’s because they didn’t truly care about what they claimed to.

It’s called FALSE CONCERN. This is what false concern sounds like:

“Well it’s your decision, I just worry about you.” -that is to make you doubt your ability to make a choice.

“If you love him I am happy for you. I just don’t want you hurt.” -to make you doubt yourself and your choice in a partner.

It’s like subtle disapproval and it can be so subtle that it’s hard to pin point exactly what it is that feels so slimy. It could also be an attempt to get a reaction out of you. In the examples I mentioned above, most people would defend their decisions and in doing so give out even more information. But that is exactly what the individual expressing false concern wants. In a situation where you are dealing with a highly manipulative, narcissistic type more information would just give them another angle… another way to try and discredit you and cause you to doubt your ability to choose for yourself.

If statements like these are made and you did not ask the person for their opinion, it’s likely manipulation. Especially if it comes right after excessive flattery.

“You are such a smart person and you are so pretty. You could have any guy you want. I just don’t want you to look up one day and regret staying with (insert name here).”

Manipulation is learned. If someone has done this to you, it’s possible that they grew up in an environment where manipulation was just how the members of their family got their needs met. Also, if you grew up being manipulated you are less likely to notice when it happens because it feels so familiar.

I don’t think every person who uses these tactics is 100% conscious of the manipulation but they do know they aren’t acting authentically. If they were they would either support your choices or say nothing.

Don’t take that shit from anyone. Call them out on it. Like:

“When you say things like that about my life choices it almost seems like you are trying to plant doubt in my mind. Maybe you didn’t realize that but from now on I would appreciate if you keep those thoughts to yourself. It makes me uncomfortable when you say things like that.”

 

Yes I Am Crazy, Yes You Can Have Some

Standard

1501144331667

This has been a big year for me. I woke up to a lot of the shit in my life that had been holding me back. I realized a lot. It was like an aha moment…
1501798432505Everything started making sense. When I look back to the start of the year, I can tell that getting to this place was inevitable.

I  had no idea when I wrote Crazy Bitch that I was describing narcissistic abuse… but I was.. almost as if the experiences I outlined came from a text book.

There is a lot of information online about children of narcissist and the wounds suffered but there hasn’t been much written about the dynamic that arises when an adult child of a narcissist becomes a single parent.

I plan to go there. It’s important because I know I am not the only one who has experienced this. The way the narcissistic Grandparent tries to put you in a position of being jealous of your own child by withholding love from you and focusing all their attention on the grandchild needs to be talked about. Of course many of us won’t fall for that fucked up shit but that doesn’t stop the narcissistic parent from trying.

The way the grandchild is manipulated and attempts are made to turn your child against you needs to be talked about.

The way help is offered to you under the guise of love and concern when the true motive has nothing to do with either needs to be talked about.

I’m hoping that these posts will find their way to other people who have experienced or are experiencing these types of situations. It is important to me to let people know they are not alone.

In closing I want to say that I love my parents… I do.. for who they truly are… the narcissistic personality is not them.. it emerged in an attempt to mask their pain… I believe that they do the best they can but on my journey to consciousness I saw the patterns that were playing out in my family and I have made the decision to remove myself from the game.

The scapegoat escaped.

IMG_8257

 

Hissy Fits: An Emotional Blitz

Standard

IMG_6318

I was born and Raised in Mississippi. Mississippi is located in the Southern part of the United States commonly referred to as “The South”. We have a saying around these parts… “Here in the South we don’t hide crazy. We parade it on the front porch and give it a sweet tea.” It’s true. We stand by that.

When southern women lose control of their emotions it is called pitching a “hissy fit.” And most Southern women are real quick to correct anyone who suggests they throw a fit. We don’t throw them, we pitch them.

Continue reading

Everlasting Love

Standard

IMG_3059

I was 4 years old the first time I fell in love. His name was Mackie and he was older. I would sit at my window and watch him throw the baseball with his Dad. My mom has told me that after some time I worked out when he would be outside and I would go to the window a few minutes before and call out to him. “Mackie, oh Mackie where are you? Mackie, I love you.” Sometimes he would look at me and wave. I experienced our “romance” from the inside looking out and he experienced it from the outside looking in.

Something I have heard so often in my life: “You’re too young to know what love is.” To that I say BULLSHIT. Love knows no age. Mackie was the most uncomplicated romance I have ever participated in.

Relationships are challenging and lately I’ve struggled to get to the core of what makes them so difficult. There are tons of relationship experts and websites that take a lot of your money to give you information about compatibility or match you with someone who is right for you and yada yada yada…

When you get to the heart of it compatibility is just a word and like so many other words we assign it a certain meaning without realizing how clinging to meanings can limit us.

Continue reading

This is where it ends.

Standard

165724194

I’m stuck. I’m almost 32 years old, and I am still stuck when I try to tell the story of how my sexuality was shaped. I envy people who can freely talk about such things. It’s just not something that comes easily to me. Some days I wish I could have an open and engaging conversation about sexuality just like I can about Star Trek. God, that would make life so much easier.

For so long in my life, I thought that sex was something to be feared or ashamed of. From the first moment that I was asked not to “tell, cause then we will just get into trouble…” to this very moment, I have been one twisted, mental fuck-up when it comes to anything sexual. And that really, really sucks.

Continue reading

Before You Go…

Standard

10303176_723223681047544_101517070328805995_n

Remember that kid? The one who thought you hung the moon… Mom said when I was born and I finally opened my eyes, it was you who was holding me. I saw you first. The first time I questioned your involvement in the hanging of the moon was the night I heard you and Mom fighting. She was crying SO hard and you were telling her she was making a fool of herself and that she was crazy. I was very young but I laid in my bed and listened to you and I cried with her. I didn’t understand how you could be so cruel. She loved you so much. I thought: If I were her I would slap him. As an adult I understand that her emotional vulnerability threatened you. Just like mine does now that I am all grown up.

Continue reading

Manipulate Me Not

Standard

18034034_1263222143714359_7183327778938019197_n

For over a year I wouldn’t chase my dreams because I had this idea that I could never be taken seriously. The reason I did not believe I could be taken seriously is because I’m pretty. Yes, I think I am pretty. No, I’m not ashamed to say it. No, that does not make me conceited. If you are reading this and you do not believe you are pretty, YOU ARE WRONG 

SO, I honestly believed that nobody could ever TRULY appreciate my mind. If they appeared to, it was just a cover… an act for what they really wanted… my sex. I used to be told to believe that any time a person mistreated me or did something to hurt me it was because they were jealous because I was prettier than them…. belief courtesy of my darling mother. Fortunately for myself and humankind, I never fully bought into that one. Although to some extent I believe she has a point.

Continue reading