Yes I Am Crazy, Yes You Can Have Some

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This has been a big year for me. I woke up to a lot of the shit in my life that had been holding me back. I realized a lot. It was like an aha moment…
1501798432505Everything started making sense. When I look back to the start of the year, I can tell that getting to this place was inevitable.

I ¬†had no idea when I wrote Crazy Bitch that I was describing narcissistic abuse… but I was.. almost as if the experiences I outlined came from a text book.

There is a lot of information online about children of narcissist and the wounds suffered but there hasn’t been much written about the dynamic that arises when an adult child of a narcissist becomes a single parent.

I plan to go there. It’s important because I know I am not the only one who has experienced this. The way the narcissistic Grandparent tries to put you in a position of being jealous of your own child by withholding love from you and focusing all their attention on the grandchild needs to be talked about. Of course many of us won’t fall for that fucked up shit but that doesn’t stop the narcissistic parent from trying.

The way the grandchild is manipulated and attempts are made to turn your child against you needs to be talked about.

The way help is offered to you under the guise of love and concern when the true motive has nothing to do with either needs to be talked about.

I’m hoping that these posts will find their way to other people who have experienced or are experiencing these types of situations. It is important to me to let people know they are not alone.

In closing I want to say that I love my parents… I do.. for who they truly are… the narcissistic personality is not them.. it emerged in an attempt to mask their pain… I believe that they do the best they can but on my journey to consciousness I saw the patterns that were playing out in my family and I have made the decision to remove myself from the game.

The scapegoat escaped.

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Manipulate Me Not

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For over a year I wouldn’t chase my dreams because I had this idea that I could never be taken seriously. The reason I did not believe I could be taken seriously is because I’m pretty. Yes, I think I am pretty. No, I’m not ashamed to say it. No, that does not make me conceited. If you are reading this and you do not believe you are pretty, YOU ARE WRONG¬†

SO, I honestly believed that nobody could ever TRULY appreciate my mind. If they appeared to, it was just a cover… an act for what they really wanted… my sex. I used to be told to believe that any time a person mistreated me or did something to hurt me it was because they were jealous because I was prettier than them…. belief courtesy of my darling mother. Fortunately for myself and humankind, I never fully bought into that one. Although to some extent I believe she has a point.

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