I haven’t felt anything for almost 72 hours. I always feel so intensely and consistently. So it’s weird. Numbness makes me feel so naked… Well, more like something is missing than an actual emotion.. I even keep thinking I am forgetting something every time I leave the house.
Like, who am I if I am not constantly having to decipher the difference between your feelings and mine? Because I feel so deeply that I feel most of your shit too. And now: NOTHING.
In a single moment earlier this week, I felt the heartbreak of a thousand lovers all at once… and it moved straight through me, left me gasping for air. Then, it was replaced with a giant dose of IDGAF.
Welcome to the danger zone. A selfless heart just turned to Stone.
I was born and Raised in Mississippi. Mississippi is located in the Southern part of the United States commonly referred to as “The South”. We have a saying around these parts… “Here in the South we don’t hide crazy. We parade it on the front porch and give it a sweet tea.” It’s true. We stand by that.
When southern women lose control of their emotions it is called pitching a “hissy fit.” And most Southern women are real quick to correct anyone who suggests they throw a fit. We don’t throw them, we pitch them.
I wrote this based on a personal experience with a close friend who decided to move across the country for a time period to try and find themselves and it hurt me inside due to me letting go. It was necessary and expected. I put my feelings into words to try to sort out my heart…
I live in Mississippi. The Southern part of the United States commonly referred to as “The South”. We have a saying around these parts… “Here in the South we don’t hide crazy. We parade it on the front porch and give it a sweet tea.” It’s true. We stand by that. When southern women lose control of their emotions it is called throwing a “hissy fit.”
Some people are so insanely scared of their emotions… so totally and completely disconnected from that process that they will make you think something is wrong with you when you express emotion. DON’T LET THEM DO THAT.
They’ll say shit like: “It’s not anything to cry about.”
Maybe not to you but if you could feel the crushing pain inside my chest threatening to pull me to the ground, you would have fallen a long time ago. It is real and it is intense and it is happening regardless of your acceptance. I BRING THE FEELS.
It’s like I’m feeling things out and suddenly in comes the fear a person projects on to me when they choose to blame me for their discomfort by saying MY tears are not justified.
“False, alarm feelings.. you can pack it up now. That was just a fire drill.”
I am fucking sick of being told it’s not okay. Telling someone there is no reason to cry as tears pour down their face is the same as saying they are overreacting.
How can people say they love you but deny that your experience is even valid? That is exactly what a person does when they tell you that you have no reason to feel the way you do, that you are over reacting or that there is nothing to cry about.
That doesn’t feel like love.. because it’s not. Not at all.