Subtle Manipulation

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I’m like a total ninja at spotting manipulation these days.. I can feel it. So it was really confusing to feel manipulation when someone seemed to be caring for me. That’s because they didn’t truly care about what they claimed to.

It’s called FALSE CONCERN. This is what false concern sounds like:

“Well it’s your decision, I just worry about you.” -that is to make you doubt your ability to make a choice.

“If you love him I am happy for you. I just don’t want you hurt.” -to make you doubt yourself and your choice in a partner.

It’s like subtle disapproval and it can be so subtle that it’s hard to pin point exactly what it is that feels so slimy. It could also be an attempt to get a reaction out of you. In the examples I mentioned above, most people would defend their decisions and in doing so give out even more information. But that is exactly what the individual expressing false concern wants. In a situation where you are dealing with a highly manipulative, narcissistic type more information would just give them another angle… another way to try and discredit you and cause you to doubt your ability to choose for yourself.

If statements like these are made and you did not ask the person for their opinion, it’s likely manipulation. Especially if it comes right after excessive flattery.

“You are such a smart person and you are so pretty. You could have any guy you want. I just don’t want you to look up one day and regret staying with (insert name here).”

Manipulation is learned. If someone has done this to you, it’s possible that they grew up in an environment where manipulation was just how the members of their family got their needs met. Also, if you grew up being manipulated you are less likely to notice when it happens because it feels so familiar.

I don’t think every person who uses these tactics is 100% conscious of the manipulation but they do know they aren’t acting authentically. If they were they would either support your choices or say nothing.

Don’t take that shit from anyone. Call them out on it. Like:

“When you say things like that about my life choices it almost seems like you are trying to plant doubt in my mind. Maybe you didn’t realize that but from now on I would appreciate if you keep those thoughts to yourself. It makes me uncomfortable when you say things like that.”

 

Yes I Am Crazy, Yes You Can Have Some

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This has been a big year for me. I woke up to a lot of the shit in my life that had been holding me back. I realized a lot. It was like an aha moment…
1501798432505Everything started making sense. When I look back to the start of the year, I can tell that getting to this place was inevitable.

I ┬áhad no idea when I wrote Crazy Bitch that I was describing narcissistic abuse… but I was.. almost as if the experiences I outlined came from a text book.

There is a lot of information online about children of narcissist and the wounds suffered but there hasn’t been much written about the dynamic that arises when an adult child of a narcissist becomes a single parent.

I plan to go there. It’s important because I know I am not the only one who has experienced this. The way the narcissistic Grandparent tries to put you in a position of being jealous of your own child by withholding love from you and focusing all their attention on the grandchild needs to be talked about. Of course many of us won’t fall for that fucked up shit but that doesn’t stop the narcissistic parent from trying.

The way the grandchild is manipulated and attempts are made to turn your child against you needs to be talked about.

The way help is offered to you under the guise of love and concern when the true motive has nothing to do with either needs to be talked about.

I’m hoping that these posts will find their way to other people who have experienced or are experiencing these types of situations. It is important to me to let people know they are not alone.

In closing I want to say that I love my parents… I do.. for who they truly are… the narcissistic personality is not them.. it emerged in an attempt to mask their pain… I believe that they do the best they can but on my journey to consciousness I saw the patterns that were playing out in my family and I have made the decision to remove myself from the game.

The scapegoat escaped.

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Bird’s Eye View

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We all have a unique vibrational frequency and we attract people into our lives who match our frequency. If we have a need to be loved out of an insecurity we have codependent tendencies (victims) and we will always attract people with narcissistic tendencies (abusers). It is a karmic, energy sucking cycle that we repeat over and over and over again until we 1- realize what is happening and 2- make a conscious effort to heal ourselves. This dynamic is a social cancer and honest communication with ourselves and others is the only hope we have if we want to cure it.

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