I haven’t felt anything for almost 72 hours. I always feel so intensely and consistently. So it’s weird. Numbness makes me feel so naked… Well, more like something is missing than an actual emotion.. I even keep thinking I am forgetting something every time I leave the house.
Like, who am I if I am not constantly having to decipher the difference between your feelings and mine? Because I feel so deeply that I feel most of your shit too. And now: NOTHING.
In a single moment earlier this week, I felt the heartbreak of a thousand lovers all at once… and it moved straight through me, left me gasping for air. Then, it was replaced with a giant dose of IDGAF.
Welcome to the danger zone. A selfless heart just turned to Stone.
Another beautiful piece from Jules. She doesn’t know this but she is the person who first sparked my interest in writing. When my dad was involved in a near fatal car accident in 2003 she wrote about the experience of watching him wheeled into surgery with the Ambu-bag breathing for him and when I read her words I was relieved and comforted. I was suddenly so aware that although I was terrified we would lose him and I felt tremendous pain, I was not alone and someone understood. -missy
406 days. 406 days since she exited this plane of existence for one free from pain and suffering and the chains of an earthbound world. Seems like 406 years and then again it seems like yesterday. I can still see her in my mind; see her laughing and saying “Jules!” about something outrageous I proposed. For a long time after she died I couldn’t remember what her laugh sounded like. I could see her in my mind, but the movie had no sound or plot or middle or beginning or end.
I wrote this based on a personal experience with a close friend who decided to move across the country for a time period to try and find themselves and it hurt me inside due to me letting go. It was necessary and expected. I put my feelings into words to try to sort out my heart…
Oh dear friend. I am sure that there was a day you looked in the mirror and never thought that you would reach the end. You thought that you would always find that one reason to get up each morning. Maybe it was work, or your children, or your marriage or maybe it just was the mere fact that you feared death too much.
Sure you had your down days. You had the days that you purely melted down. Maybe you broke down and cried in the shower letting the water wash over you and wishing it would wash you away with all the pain that you felt deep inside. Maybe you went to bed at night and took sleeping pills hoping that maybe you wouldn’t wake in the morning then when you did you weren’t sure if you were relieved or not. Maybe you came home to an empty home and picked up a dish smashing it in pieces then sinking to the floor in a mess of tears falling asleep on the floor. Maybe you cut yourself off from friends and hobbies. You secluded yourself. You never opened your blinds and never wanted to see the sun. Maybe you preferred to sleep instead of be awake. Maybe it was all to easy to pour another glass of vodka and down another pain pill to keep the hurt away.
Blair is a new writer for Bleed With Me. Blair’s family was torn apart when her husband was wrongfully accused and later convicted of a crime he did not commit. The allegations were brought by his ex wife who, like so many before her used the justice system to settle her own twisted score. And she won. And this happens ALL THE TIME and we know this yet change is often a day late, a bill short… You can read more about Blair here.
When someone dies what do we do? We take the time to memorialize their memory. We gather together and share stories. We send flowers and plants to the family. We make sure that we remember what that person was like and all the good things they brought into our lives. We surround those that are grieving with support and love. We encourage them to cry and to grieve. We even acknowledge that it will take time to heal and one never recovers fully from the loss. The emotional support given is incredible and can greatly help those who are feeling such a void.