Another beautiful piece from Jules. She doesn’t know this but she is the person who first sparked my interest in writing. When my dad was involved in a near fatal car accident in 2003 she wrote about the experience of watching him wheeled into surgery with the Ambu-bag breathing for him and when I read her words I was relieved and comforted. I was suddenly so aware that although I was terrified we would lose him and I felt tremendous pain, I was not alone and someone understood. -missy
406 days. 406 days since she exited this plane of existence for one free from pain and suffering and the chains of an earthbound world. Seems like 406 years and then again it seems like yesterday. I can still see her in my mind; see her laughing and saying “Jules!” about something outrageous I proposed. For a long time after she died I couldn’t remember what her laugh sounded like. I could see her in my mind, but the movie had no sound or plot or middle or beginning or end.
Some people are so insanely scared of their emotions… so totally and completely disconnected from that process that they will make you think something is wrong with you when you express emotion. DON’T LET THEM DO THAT.
They’ll say shit like: “It’s not anything to cry about.”
Maybe not to you but if you could feel the crushing pain inside my chest threatening to pull me to the ground, you would have fallen a long time ago. It is real and it is intense and it is happening regardless of your acceptance. I BRING THE FEELS.
It’s like I’m feeling things out and suddenly in comes the fear a person projects on to me when they choose to blame me for their discomfort by saying MY tears are not justified.
“False, alarm feelings.. you can pack it up now. That was just a fire drill.”
I am fucking sick of being told it’s not okay. Telling someone there is no reason to cry as tears pour down their face is the same as saying they are overreacting.
How can people say they love you but deny that your experience is even valid? That is exactly what a person does when they tell you that you have no reason to feel the way you do, that you are over reacting or that there is nothing to cry about.
That doesn’t feel like love.. because it’s not. Not at all.